"See You In The Gym Bro": A Realistic Guide to Processing Emotions

'See you in the gym bro' is a phrase that gets thrown around when someone is going through it — a brutal breakup, unrequited feelings, being cheated on. Especially if it was delivered in a particularly ruthless way. The implication? Get to the gym, focus on yourself, and become undeniable.

The meaning behind it is all about self-improvement. But there's almost a vain undertone to it. Maybe if you were shredded, this wouldn't have happened? Or at least you'd have more options for moving on?

Is "See You In The Gym" Actually Good Advice?

I've been thinking about how useful this statement really is. Even as a bit of a meme, it says something about the ways we're told to process emotions. And I think it's worth unpacking — because it's partly right, and partly misses the point entirely.

For many of us, emotions feel like problems. We have experiences that slap us in the face, and we wonder how we could possibly come back from the fall. But we also have smaller, quieter emotions that — when left unchecked — can cause serious problems in our lives.

Many of us want to do something about our feelings rather than feel them. This can be genuinely useful — it gives us the motivation to figure things out. 'See you in the gym' taps into this instinct: solve the emotional pain with a workout routine. Distract yourself with the gains.

But this approach becomes a problem when there's nothing to be done. Whether you've just been dealt a crappy hand, or things have built up to the point of emotional overwhelm — the "just do something" approach can leave you more confused than you started. And it's made worse by the fact that everyone knows they "should" go to the gym. That expectation alone can create a shame spiral when it feels too hard to even get off the sofa.

Don't get me wrong — I'm all for people working on themselves and living healthier lives. But I've seen too many people get stuck in a shame spiral around the gym and completely miss the point of it.

What the Gym Actually Does (When It Works)

I was talking to a client of mine who goes to the gym every single day. It's part of their sacred routine — unless they're physically unable, they're there at the same time without fail.

Interestingly, this person was struggling badly with motivation and consistency at work. There was a lot of negative self-talk around their identity as someone who "just can't follow through." We started exploring how they managed to keep such a solid gym routine when work felt impossible.

What we found was striking. The gym wasn't just exercise — it was uninterrupted reflection time. No calls, no social media, no distractions. From walking there to walking back, there was space to think and feel. Without realising it, this person was allowing their emotions to come up and sitting with them. It wasn't a conscious act. Without distraction and with singular focus on the physical task, their mind had the space to process what was going on for them.

Coupled with the endorphin rush post-workout, they were able to take a more objective stance on their life.

In this light, the gym can be a genuinely powerful space for emotional processing — not because it distracts you, but because it stops you from distracting yourself.

So while I partly agree with the sentiment of 'see you in the gym,' I think its real value is in creating space and allowing natural reflection — not in the abs.

The Part Nobody Tells You

Of course, this can be furthered by journalling (a topic for another time). But it can also leave you confused:

"My emotions are coming up and they feel awful — why would I want to focus on them?"

or

"I gave myself the space but nothing came up. Maybe I just don't have emotions."

Being emotionally healthy doesn't always mean feeling good. When we're dealt crappy cards, emotions can feel like they're only holding us back. We wish them away and distract ourselves endlessly to cope.

Most of us were never taught what emotions actually are — let alone how to deal with them. Many of us have a long history of emotions being problems: things we need to hide, suppress, or outrun. When they come up, we feel totally lost — or we feel nothing at all.

So — if we can't just "hit the gym and fix it" — what actually helps?

What Is Emotional Processing, Actually?

Here's a practical guide I share with clients. Think of it as a framework, not a prescription — we all move through this differently.

1. What Are You Feeling?

Narrow it down. Give the emotion space to come up — no distractions, just you. Use an emotion wheel if it feels too hard to name. Start from the inner circle ("sad," "angry," "scared") and break it down further. How do you know what started as "sad" has become "guilt"? What specifically is making you feel guilty?

Why this matters: You can't process a vague feeling of "sad" — the possibilities are too wide. But if you can identify "ashamed," you can start to understand where it's coming from and actually work with it.

2. What Is Making You Feel This Way?

This step is crucial. Understand yourself. Allow yourself to feel this way, and accept it — it's okay, and most of the time it makes complete sense.

If it doesn't make sense, that's worth exploring further.

"Oh of course I'm anxious — I have a job interview tomorrow." versus "My colleague said something that made me feel X, but I can't figure out why it hit so hard. Where have I felt like this before? There's actually a pattern here."

Emotions can feel like a burden. But they can also be a map — pointing us toward patterns and unresolved things we hadn't even consciously noticed.

3. Compartmentalise and Keep Checking In

We can put things in boxes — and that's actually helpful for making sense of who we are. But we can't lock things away and pretend they don't exist.

We need to build the habit of opening these boxes with curiosity and self-compassion. Understanding our patterns, knowing what triggers us, and reflecting on how we want to respond — all of this makes us better equipped for whatever life throws at us.

Journalling is a great tool for this. So is any consistent routine — like the gym — that you deliberately use as a space for reflection.

Not interested in the gym or writing? Try a jigsaw puzzle. I've found they're fantastic: they occupy just enough of your logical brain to keep you engaged, but leave enough mental space for reflection. A semi-absorbing, menial task can work beautifully here.

4. Take Some Distance

Can you step back and take a more objective view? This is a delicate balance — being compassionate with yourself while also being realistic. But you can't access this perspective without working through the previous steps first. It's genuinely hard to see another person's point of view when you're still in the thick of being triggered.

A useful technique: imagine someone else is watching your situation unfold. It could be a close friend, or a room full of strangers watching a film about your life. What would they think?

Your friend might offer you more compassion than you're offering yourself. The strangers might think "why is this person so hung up on that?" Both perspectives can be useful. They snap us out of the tunnel vision of our own experience and give us a healthier sense of proportion.

5. Carry On the Compassion

Understand where this emotion came from, what function it serves, and how it might affect you going forward. From there, you can ask: what's a reasonable response to my situation?

If I have a job interview tomorrow, I might lose sleep — and that's okay. If I'm going through a breakup, I might feel confused and frustrated for weeks — and that's okay too. Owning this allows you to meet yourself where you are. And it lets others do the same.

A note on trauma: Emotional processing gets significantly more complex with traumatic experiences. Trauma can weave itself into every aspect of life and make it unclear where to even begin. It can also be overwhelming to examine feelings that are shaped by trauma, and this can push us toward defence mechanisms that aren't healthy, but feel necessary. If this resonates, the most important thing is self-compassion. It's frustrating to feel too deeply or to feel nothing at all — but understanding how you got here is a meaningful place to start. If you're in this position, working with a mental health professional is strongly recommended.

We are all different. We all carry different levels of emotional acceptance. We all process things in our own ways and on our own timescales. This is exactly why working with a therapist or coach can be so valuable — you build a relationship centred around emotional processing and what that looks like for you.

Continuing the random tangents of my mind... next up, I'll be looking at neurodivergence and how autism and ADHD can bring their own unique complications to emotional processing and self-reflection.

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